


so you don't have to be brave

by possumdnp



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2019, Dan's France trip, Introspection, M/M, Skype
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 18:16:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20605196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/possumdnp/pseuds/possumdnp
Summary: Dan's in France, and Phil feels nostalgic.





	so you don't have to be brave

“You tired?” Dan says, and Phil’s attention drifts back to the present moment. He realizes that he’s been just staring silently at his laptop screen for a solid few minutes now, where Dan is gazing back at him from the Skype window.

“Kind of. I’m just thinking.”

“You’re feeling nostalgic again, aren’t you?” Dan can read him so well. Phil smiles.

“Yeah. It’s like we’re back in 2009 again, isn’t it?”

“Shitty internet connection and all.”

“You’d think they would have fixed that by now. No flying cars, _and_ terrible wifi? Hollywood lied to me about the future.”

“They’ve betrayed us all, Phil.” Dan takes a sip of the wine that he’s drinking. He looks very sophisticated, Phil thinks, and he picks up his own wineglass to take a sip. They’re hundreds of kilometres apart, but they can still enjoy a glass of wine together.

There’s just something Phil has always liked about those moments when they’ve been on Skype for an hour, when it’s been long enough that they’re content to just sit quietly with one another, simply enjoying being in each other’s presence. When they’re too far away from each other, Phil always feels comforted seeing Dan’s face pixelated on a computer screen.

Today though, it’s more than just comfort. He’s getting strongly reminded of their first year together, and the feeling surrounds him like a warm blanket. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling so nostalgic over today’s Skype call in particular. It’s not as if they don’t frequently Skype or FaceTime when they’re away from each other, visiting family or on holiday. They’ve even called each other from the same flat when they’ve been working on projects but want some physical space.

He supposes that maybe it’s just the time of year. Every year, when the leaves turn red and the air starts getting cold, it reminds him of new beginnings. And every year, Phil tries to promise himself that he won’t get sappy about it. But he’s always been a guy who looks back fondly on the past. These sentimental feelings were _especially_ inevitable this year. Because it was already _ten years ago_ that he and Dan were Skyping for hours and counting down the days until they could meet for the first time.

“It’s getting dark out here,” Dan comments. He’s outside on the cottage’s porch, enjoying the scenery while he talks to Phil.

“Are you going to have to go inside soon?”

“Nah. I’ll be fine. Look though, the sky is starting to turn pink,” Dan says, and he turns his laptop so that Phil can see the sunset.

“I’d show you my sunset, but I think it’s just grey clouds.”

“London’s so boring.”

“Not in our flat! Dan, I reckon it’s _actually_ haunted this time,” says Phil, suddenly remembering. “There was such a weird noise yesterday. I was too afraid to go and check.”

_“Phil._ I thought we agreed that there’s no such thing as ghosts.”

“Well, I bet _your_ place is haunted. A tiny cottage in the middle of nowhere sounds like it’d be super haunted.”

“Honestly, it probably is. Remember that creepy photo I sent you earlier?” Phil nods. It had been an old-timey portrait of a family, the kind where no one is smiling. “We think that’s the family that used to live here.”

“They definitely looked like they murdered travelers and cooked them into gingerbread or something.”

“Don’t say that, Phil. Do you want me to come home as a gingerbread man?”

“You’re worried ‘cause then I’d eat you.”

“Would that be vore or just you indulging your sweet tooth?”

“You’re the worst,” Phil groans. “Besides, why are you even worried about the creepy family? Thought you didn’t believe in ghosts.”

“Well, I dunno about ghosts, but at least me and my family haven’t murdered each other yet. That’s something, right?”

“How’s rooming with Adrian going?”

Dan glances behind him, in the direction of the door of the cottage, as though checking that his brother isn’t lurking behind him. “Horrible, honestly. He gets up at, like, six every morning to go running. Who even does that?”

“So no chance of you two becoming besties on this trip?”

Dan laughs. “Absolutely not. We’re never gonna be you and Martyn. We’re such different people.” He frowns. “And also really similar, somehow. He annoys the shit out of me. Does that mean _I’m_ that annoying?”

“Yeah. Worst person I’ve ever met.”

“Fuck you.” Dan says playfully, the lines by his eyes crinkling happily. “No, but this is the most time I’ve spent with him since I moved out. Feels weird, starting to get to know your brother when you’re both in your twenties, doesn’t it?”

Phil shrugs. “I don’t think so. At least you’re both trying. I’m proud of you for that, you know.”

Dan smiles into his wine. Phil doesn’t know if it’s the pink of the sunset, but he thinks that in this lighting, Dan looks beautiful.

There’s a noise from somewhere off camera. Dan turns around, and Phil realizes that it’s the porch door opening.

“Dan! There you are.” Karen’s voice comes from somewhere out of shot of the Skype call. “Nana and I are about to start getting dinner ready. Did you want to help? Oh, what’re you up to?”

“Skyping Phil.”

“Oh! Hello, Phil!” Her face appears over Dan’s shoulder. “Dan showed me all the produce you harvested the other day. Made me want to start up my vegetable garden again!”

Phil nods. “There’s so many vegetables in our kitchen now. I don’t know how I’m going to eat them all. Are you enjoying France?”

“It’s wonderful,” Karen says. “We went on a hike through the countryside today, and- well, Dan probably told you all about it already. It was lovely though. I’m sorry you couldn’t join us on this trip.”

“Maybe next time,” Phil says with what he hopes is a charming smile. They’d invited him along, multiple times, actually. But Phil thought that two weeks is a rather long time to be traveling with people who just found out that they’re your in-laws. He figured that it might be best to let Dan connect with his family without the added pressure of Phil being there too.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” Karen says. “Dinner soon, Dan.”

She ruffles his hair and leaves. Dan watches her go, and Phil watches Dan with curiosity. Usually, whenever they’ve been apart and Dan was with his family, he always looked a bit on edge, even when he was alone. He would always keep his voice lowered just a bit, or angle his computer away when his mum walked in the room.

Now though, his posture is as relaxed as it had been before Karen interrupted them. His facial expression is easy, and his cheeks have a healthy flush to them from the wine. He looks content and happy.

“You know what?” Dan says, turning his gaze back to the screen. “I think maybe I’ll go and help her.”

“Abandoning me already?” Phil says, as though they haven’t been on Skype together for over an hour.

“Yeah. Your face is boring.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, Phil.”

He feels warm even after Dan hangs up the call, thinking of him and his family off making dinner together. He has a feeling it will go well. He knows Dan will text him in a few hours about it either way.

He closes his laptop and finishes off the last sip of his wine. Sometimes, in his most nostalgic moments, he misses the simpleness of their life ten years ago, the relationship they built over Skype. But in many ways, it was harder. Back then, he used to ache and feel like meeting in-person couldn’t come soon enough. They would spend hours upon hours online together until they physically couldn’t stay awake any longer. He used to hug his pillow to his chest and imagine that it was Dan.

Missing Dan is different now. Of course he wishes he was here, snuggled up next to him on the sofa. It’s just more fun when Dan’s around.

But it’s also nice being on his own, at least for a few days. He can starfish out on their bed when he sleeps and hog all the blankets. He can catch up on the horrible reality tv shows that he and his mum like to bond over, the ones that tend to have Dan rolling his eyes about how contrived the drama is. He’s set up fun days out with Bryony and Martyn that he might not have done otherwise.

The true _missing Dan_ will set in when he’s been gone for more than a week, Phil knows. When the novelty of living alone wears off and he just becomes _lonely._ It’s going to be colder in a few days, and he knows he’s going to miss Dan’s warmth next to him at night.

But for tonight, he feels warm, content, and filled with happiness, knowing that somewhere in rural France, Dan is happy too.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Reblog on tumblr [here.](https://possumdnp.tumblr.com/post/187648343050/so-you-dont-have-to-be-brave-rated-t-15k)


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